I’m moving on. It’s time.

Disordered Times, on the other hand, isn’t going anywhere any time soon. The domain is registered through the end of 2010, so this site will continue to operate as an archive until then at the very least. After that, I’ll probably move the site to Blogger or a free WordPress account. It won’t disappear.

This site has been a fantastic experience. First off, thank you to everyone that has contributed, read and/or commented on this site. It wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun without you. I have benefitted from your insights. Second, I owe it to this site for helping me grow and change as a person since its inception in 2006. Now I have changed to the point where my interest in eating disorders has waned. I can no longer delve into the subject without feeling like I am living in the past, which I consider a good thing, but at the expense of no longer adding anything to this site. That’s not to say that the subject of eating disorders is not relevant. That’s not what I am saying at all. It is highly relevant to our food- and weight-dysfunctional culture, and the blogosphere is lucky to have more intelligent writers on the subject than I have fingers and toes.

Meanwhile, I am starting a new blog where I will be writing on bits and pieces of everything. Check out Oh, the Profanity! if you’d like to keep tabs on me. Or, if you prefer crappy posts in short form, I also write meaningless things on Twitter.

Thank you.

At this time last year, I got a bone scan for the first time and found out I have osteopenia, the precursor to osteoporosis. This year, my bone density is even worse and now I am just on the edge of osteoporosis. I’m 27 years old and I have the bones of a woman more than twice my age. Remember to take your calcium, kids, and remember that it can happen to you. Eating disorders take a major toll on the body in the long-term.

In the same way that print newspapers across the country are dying, this site and its presence are also in question. I’m at a standstill, creatively and intellectually, when it comes to the topic of eating disorders. I’ve been feeling it for the last couple of months and now I think it’s time I address it.

A few things are at play here. First, I’m having time issues. When I started this site in 2006, I wasn’t a student and I had a substantial amount of free time I could devote toward looking at the latest news and writing about it. This being a news-themed site, the luxury of having the time to write a blurb on “breaking news” seemed like an appropriate edge in the blogosphere. But in this now-Twitterized world of instantaneous communication, the only delay in receiving breaking news is the time it takes you to read it. Blogs are not quite as much about spreading news anymore as they are commentary about the news.

Not only that, but the blogosphere has exploded with eating disorder blogs that are well-written, insightful and generally a pleasure to read. Even being the first blog to comment on a story is a feat these days. With the lack of time I can commit to this site, I don’t even make the leaderboard anymore. More often than not, that’s okay; I am reaching a point where I just don’t know what I can possibly say about eating disorders anymore that doesn’t sound half-assed, especially in comparison to others’ thoughts on the same topic. But more on that in a few.

The other half of my twofold approach when creating this site was that its content would be a compilation from several people with differing opinions and experiences with eating disorders so that a diverse spectrum could be represented on one site. At the time, the only widespread group blog about eating disorders was on LiveJournal, but it was almost exclusively personal entries, not news-related. That too, I thought would give this site just enough originality to make it stand out. The idea has had limited success. I’ve had privilege of knowing several incredible people because of interest in writing for this site, and I thank all of you for your friendship and contributions. I can’t thank you enough for all of your work. But I completely understand why someone wouldn’t write for a group blog when you can run one for yourself with little effort and no cost. Why wouldn’t you do that?

Secondly, I am reaching a point where I am leaving my eating disorder behind. It is not nearly as much a part of my life as it was when I created this site. In a way, reading and writing about eating disorders may have prolonged this process because it kept me attached to the subject. Now it’s time I wriggle my way free. I am not by any means recovered, nor will I forget what I’ve been through – I have too many scars for that. But it is something that has progressively felt more as a part of my past, not the present, and hopefully not the future. It’s time for other things.

Quite frankly, I am bored with eating disorders. When the writing urge has struck as of late, I’ve thought of posting more personal material in connection to “the big picture,” maybe in regard to current events, greater causes, etc. Maybe not even that profound – sometimes I’d just like to post a picture of something cool or a random WTF. Shit, maybe even some poetry. These things do not apply to Disordered Times, so I have largely refrained from posting them here. Not only that, but the Internet is already overcrowded with personal blogs as it is. I am not nearly important enough (nor should I be) for people to take a genuine interest in what I am doing in everyday life, so it seems pointless. But maybe it’s not and maybe I need to rethink the scope of a) what I want out of my own website and b) what will still keep people coming back for more. I am still musing on this, thinking that I certainly wouldn’t ignore eating disorders as a topic, but the frequency would be much less, combining with other topics on my mind. A potential advantage to this would be a wider audience, whether it be someone passing through or stumbling in and staying for awhile. The more people aware of eating disorders, the better, and if it takes a roundabout approach to inform, so be it. Of course, the opposite may be true and I may lose this blog’s audience by expanding its scope.

So that is where I am at. The irrecoverable fact is that this site’s original purpose is dying, both from my own standpoint and the greater picture of the Internet. It must (and will) somehow evolve – I’m just not sure how yet. Suggestions and constructive criticism on this (and every other) idea are welcome.

Cross-posted on The-F-Word.org

Eating disorders are often thought to be a “rich white girl’s disease,” but a new study shows that black girls and girls from low-income families are more likely to develop bulimia than their wealthier white counterparts. The study is based on information from a government database of 2,300 girls from schools in California, Ohio and Washington D.C. The girls were surveyed annually about their eating habits and body image between the ages of 9 and 20. The study included an equal number of blacks and whites.

About 2.6 percent of black girls were found to be bulimic, compared to 1.7 percent of whites. Bulimia affected 3.3 percent of girls whose parents had a high school education, compared to 1.5 percent of girls in households where at least one parent had a college degree. In other words, black girls are 50 percent more likely than whites to develop bulimia, while girls in low income brackets are 153 percent more like to develop bulimia than girls in the highest income bracket. Lead researcher Michelle Goeree explains:

{…}the misconception that eating disorders are a “white woman’s” problem comes from previous studies that focused on hospital admission data, which wouldn’t include girls who don’t seek professional help for their illness. In most states, treatment for eating disorders isn’t covered by insurance.

“Who goes to the hospital? Those who have insurance. Who tends to have insurance? Wealthier, better-educated people,” said Goeree, an economist at the University of Southern California.

Goeree said minority parents also may be less likely to recognize bulimic behavior, such as purging in their children.

If there’s any good news to be had from this, it’s this, as reported in the Chicago Sun Times:

The study has important policy implications: Based on their findings about the persistence of bulimic behavior and who is afflicted, the researchers argue that bulimia, which is currently classified as a disorder, would perhaps be more accurately described — and treated — as an addiction. As with drug and alcohol addictions, this would mean more federal, state and local treatment programs and fewer out-of-pocket insurance costs.

The findings also affect educational spending: “What we thought was that bulimia affects high income, high education white women. And, if that’s the case, then you should try to tailor educational programs — because education is expensive — to the group that it will help the most,” Goeree explains. “Now we’re finding that it’s really important to reach a completely different group than we thought.”

For more information on eating disorders among women of color, see here.

In this economic climate, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by a PRNewswire article, titled, “Future of Global Recession Revealed in… a Diet Book?“ while perusing the web for newsworthy eating-disordered articles.  Using the Pen and Paper Diet as a platform on which to parallel eating disorders and the disordered (or diseased) economy, the article mentions some of the 7 stages (Slight Hunger, Efficiency, Freefall, Plateau, etc.) of the Pen and Paper Diet to sum up the depressing economy, as well as their prescribed solution.

For instance, the article asserts that, in 2007, our global economy was morbidly obese, and by the end of the year, consumers began to go on a diet.  Because of decreased consumer spending, people are becoming more efficient with their money.  The article moves forward by discussing how our current economic freefall (a seemingly unknown abyss, at this point) has caused people to change their spending habits, therefore, becoming anorexic spenders. Throughout, the article shifts from chattering about the economy to the devastating effects of anorexia–the connection being that if we remain anorexic spenders and cease to consume more, then our global economy will face dire consequences, like nationalization (I wonder if the authors consider this similar to eating disorder institutionalization?).

The very last sentence states that, “No one likes having tubes and needles in them,” (one of the many potential consequences of anorexia), “so let’s start consuming a little more.”

Ahh, if only eating disorders, and the economy, were that easy to “fix.”  I have to say, paralleling eating disorders and the economy presents an interesting twist.  I think that, just like eating disorders, our economy won’t ever reach a Utopian state or final destination.  It’s a journey of recovery and relapse; a journey contingent upon how we choose to utilize the tools and systems around us.  Clearly, because the economic manipulation and dishonesty that has occurred, caused by people in power who sought to control (ah, another ED parallel?) for their own financial gain, we are in an economic relapse like never before (a parallel the authors left out: disease progression).

While I really like this article, the cynic and social worker in me can’t help but want to ask the authors… When our economy was so “obese” and abundant a couple of years ago, why wasn’t there ever any discourse about the “anorexic” spending habits in both the private and public sectors regarding social services to help eating disorder recovery???  Hmmmm….

Answer me this: Do you think it is okay for an otherwise healthy person to diet rigidly, overexercise and sit in saunas to lose every ounce possible before a weigh-in as long as the behavior stopped after a few months?

What if that person was you and people turned a blind eye to your unusual behavior, and even rewarded it, if you hit your goal weight?

I’m not talking about an eating disorder here. I’m talking about the world of wrestling.

Call me on this if I’m wrong, but with the exception of jockeys, I don’t think I can name another male-dominated sport that is so overly focused on weight. And not only is it considered perfectly okay, but “it’s just a part of the sport,” according to a coach in this article.

It sounds like an unhealthy obsession – and an unnecessary hell – to me. This is all just my own opinion, of course, but it seems wrong that high school and college-age boys – the hefty majority of those that participate in the sport – are rigidly dieting, overtraining and sitting in saunas to lose every ounce possible before a weigh-in. All for a number – a number that seems pretty low when compared to the average weight range of others with similar age and height, no less.

Weight has a strange twist in wrestling when compared to other mens’ sports: less weight is better. This goes against the typical standard where being the biggest and strongest is considered ideal for men. In wrestling, if you don’t make weight, you don’t get to compete. With stakes that high, it’s no wonder that wrestlers stick to their diets and exercise until they drop. Forgive the cliche, but it fits: If they wanna play, they have to pay.

Again, I just don’t think this is healthy. And let me be upfront: I am not a wresting fan. I just don’t get it. I wouldn’t willingly enter a gym that is overrun with the strong odor of sweaty guys clobbering each other. My husband’s gym socks are bad enough, thanks. I also feel awkward when I see men in spandex try and pin each other down in the name of competition. There. I got that out of the way.

My distaste of the sport aside, I still think that the lack of objection to weight control measures in wrestling is something to keep an eye on. States have recently put some restrictions on the degree of measures that wrestlers can take to make weight in high schools, but these new regulations are comparable to denying models with a BMI below 18 to walk the runway. It’s a start, but far from a real solution.

But here’s a dilemma that has been running in my head for the last couple of weeks: Why is altering weight such a big deal?

What if it isn’t?

Before you rip me a new one, hear me out. In this day and age, we humans are capable of changing many things about ourselves. If we don’t like the way we handle something, we can work toward altering that behavior. We can train ourselves to think of things differently. Physically, we have endless capabilities. We can change our hair color with a little box of dye. Paleness from the dark days of winter can be cured with some time in the spring sunshine, or a tanning bed. Colored contacts will change eye color the moment you pop them in. The list goes on and on. The physical alterations I listed are not permanent, for the most part. So perhaps changing body shape (weight) is no different. In the context of wrestling, participants in the sport are simply altering their bodies so they can compete. The same could be argued of dieters, although their intent is to keep weight down, whereas that’s not necessarily the goal of wrestlers. The methods are borderline dangerous, but they are temporary measures.

So tell me…is this a serious issue or isn’t it?

…so here it is. This is a part of what I was up to for the majority of February:

Longtime readers probably remember me talking about this last year, but unfortunately, that post was lost in the site crash last year and (apparently) won’t be recovered by the WayBack Machine anytime soon. You can still see pictures of the last two years’ events here , however, and this year’s pictoral here. Please excuse my dorkiness if you know what I look like; I rarely take good pictures and this years’ collection is proof of that.

When Joanne and I founded our community’s eating disorders task force, we were 100% gung-ho about events like this, thinking they would have huge turnouts and wild success rates, coupled with the fact that we were, in a way, planning a sort of party and it would be a blast for us all. We’d start with this event and work our way into holding similar “parties” throughout the year.

Well, that’s about half right. It is fun and we have seen quite a bit of success from a jeans drive like this, but it is a lot of hard effing work. You have to create fliers, distribute fliers, publicize the event in the media, make the rounds with local businesses for sponsorship, create displays, prepare a million other things and make even more decisions. The bigger and better we make it each year, it’s just that much more of an effort on our part – especially when dealing with sponsors. They are generous and give an event like ours much more credibility but they can also be picky and demanding, especially when it comes to their logo on your poster. (I now know this firsthand.) I’m not complaining – no, really, I’m not – but what I am saying is that if you get involved in something like this and there’s only a few of you like there are in my group, be prepared to work much more than you think you will. It takes a great amount of effort from everyone involved to pull this off successfully. When you do, it feels euphoric and you feel like you’ve done something amazing. But it’s sort of like Christmas: it’s a ton of effort and planning, all for one big day. Although we do have presence at events throughout the year, they are much more scaled back than what we do for the jeans giveaway. We set up booths at health fairs and expos and it’s mostly about handing out pamphlets and talking with people passing by. It’s much simpler but still puts us in the presence of the public eye.

We added one more public event to our NEDAW lineup this year, and that was a community forum. We had a panel of four people present on various topics related to eating disorders. We came up with a fairly diverse lineup: a dietitian talked about the nutritional elements of recovery; a religious-based group leader discussed her program, as well as her own journey through disordered eating; a fellow task member talked about body image; and I talked about my own story and the challenges of recovery in a “this is the reality” sort of way. Our turnout wasn’t high, but the people that did show up asked fantastic questions. It was also wonderful for networking in the community. A couple of us were asked by a school nurse if we would be willing to speak again at the high school where she works, so that alone made the experience worth it.

With all of this said, it is at this time of year that I look back and see that we really did (and do) have an impact. Al of the work is worth it.For those that want to do something like this in their own communities, go for it. It really is rewarding – just be aware of what you might be getting into. I’ll miss it all greatly when I leave town this summer. Chances are that the university I will be attending will have some sort of NEDAW events, but I probably won’t be nearly as involved in them as I am here. It will be a mixed blessing: I’ll have more free time in February 2010 but at the same time, I’ll be wishing that I was designing fliers, coming up with lists of potential sponsors, preparing a presentation, etc. Le sigh. So now you know why the site has been barren of new posts for the last few weeks.

In the March 2009 issue of Fitness Magazine, writer Colleen Oakley confesses her struggles about being a borderline binger. Unlike those who meet the clinical criteria of BED, which clinically defines BED as “eating larger amounts of food than normal during a two-hour period at least twice a week for six months,” Colleen doesn’t quiet make the mark. Her binge pattern is a 30-minute, four times a month habit. Martin Binks, Ph.D., the director of behavioral health and research at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, North Carolina asserts that people who share Colleen’s struggles and behavioral patterns have varying levels of “discontrol,” which means that they have mini-binges, eating hundreds rather than thousands of extra calories at one sitting. Through her personal essay, she touches on the same psychological and biological accoutrements that accompany full-blown eating disorders, as well as the often-coexisting self-loathing and relapsive behavior.

I’m delighted that such an article made it to print, because while, clearly, this behavior is as prevalent, if not more, than BED, the narrative doesn’t contain extreme behaviors (or weights) or tales of survival. Rather, it depicts behaviors that so many people share… dipping into the chip basket at a Mexican restaurant for the third and fourth time… planning to eat healthy, then (somehow) finding oneself gorging on junk food instead… behaviors that lead, according to Dr. Binks, to the same health and psychological consequences as people whose eating disorders have reached maturation.

Whatever anyone wants to call it, disorder or “discontrol,” I’m happy that the dialogue is happening, because it needs to. Personally, I don’t think borderline bingeing is all that different than BED—it’s just another way of saying that someone is controlled by food, hence the “discontrol.”

As a recovering bulimic, the article really resonated with me because Colleen’s relapses have been, somewhat, a part of my process of recovery. My process has been about harm reduction; so, before I could fully abstain from bingeing, purging, and restricting, I had to minimize the behaviors. Over time, the episodes became fewer and farther in between. I eat whatever I want, but there were many times in the past that, while I didn’t “binge,” I overate like a “normal” person would eat.

I think that Colleen’s behavior is representative of how powerful food is in everyone’s life and how people in our society, many unknowingly, use food as a coping mechanism. As can be seen, by all of the shapes, sizes, behaviors, marketing tactics, and gimmicks surrounding food and losing weight, our society, who tries to act like eating three square meals a day is the norm, is anything but normal. In fact, “discontrol” has become “normal”… so I’m expecting we’ll be seeing many more stories like Colleen’s in the future.

Blogging Fusion has picked Disordered Times as its blog of the week! Many thanks to the editors at Blogging Fusion for giving this site its coolest honor to date…and for making me blush, but in a good way.

Remember that National Eating Disorders Awareness Week kicks off on February 22. One of the events I am doing locally will be the third annual Great Jeans Giveaway in good ol’ Casper, Wyoming. (Yes, I do live in the middle of nowhere, and no, I am not offended if you don’t know where Wyoming is. )

I must brag a bit and say that both the poster and the radio PSAs advertising the event this year were all me, baby. I’ve had the fun fortune of writing and recording the PSAs each year, but the poster is a new deal for me. I’m pretty proud of the way it turned out.

The giveaway is a jeans drive that encourages people to clean their closets of jeans they no longer wear and/or jeans that no longer fit. The message is to accept one’s body in the size and shape it is in now instead of striving for the thin ideal. We take pairs of jeans in all sizes in good condition and donate them to a local charity. We also have a number of displays that promote a positive body image. I’ll post pictures from that event, as well as a community panel where I will be one of five presenters on the topic of eating disorders. It should be a fantastic way of educating the public — something I’ve done for many years, but not nearly on this large of a scale before. I am excited and frightened — just as I should be.

To those who have found their way here from Junkfood Science, you’re looking at the main page because of broken links. My site died for awhile last year, and not all posts went into their original location as I tried recovering them. I apologize.

Here are the posts relating to my workplace’s “fitness challenge” that Sandy cited:

“The Challenge” – Disordered point of view

Follow-up on “The Challenge”

Company “health challenges”: The plight worsens

No “challenge” for health

Thanks for reading. And thanks, Sandy, for continued publicity on this issue, as well as this site.