The Disordered Times Archive

Holy crap. Thanksgiving is this Thursday.

My usual holiday anxiety is lessened this year because the issue of food in gluttonous heaps is vastly reduced this year. My in-laws are going out of town for the holiday so the issue of having two dinners no longer exists. My husband and I will also be at work Thanksgiving evening, so we will not be sitting around my family’s table for a feast capable of feeding a small army. I won’t be critiqued for what I am putting on my plate (or not). Someone, probably my sister, will kindly bring a couple of plates to the office for us, most likely put together by my mom. She will inevitably give us two days’ worth of food on both of our plates, but that’s how my mom works and I know it. I’ll deal with it. I’ll eat what I want and save the rest for later. I’ll be okay.

This is a far cry from the usual frenzy of anxiety I feel as the day approaches; my lack of coping skills seems to shine on holidays that feature lots of food. Even now, after three years of recovery, I go into Thanksgiving with a plan on how much I will eat. From there, I mentally prepare myself for the consequences of that choice. If I eat a small amount, my plate will be critiqued by my family, as if I am personally insulting them by not taking heaps of food.* I get the classic “Is that all you’re eating?” comment without fail. If I try to evade my family’s comments and eat more than I am comfortable with, I am setting myself up for even more trouble. Mentally, this is exhausting for me. Eating too much food brings out guilt and I end up hating everything about the holiday because I ate too much: I hate myself for eating more than I was comfortable with, I feel angry at my family for expecting me to eat more than what I was comfortable with, and I feel disgusted by the fact that the USA “gives thanks” by eating gluttonous amounts of food on this day every year. In the days that I purged, that was my option for relieving the guilt. The two years I did this, I made it a free-for-all, ate myself silly, and flushed it all down the toilet. As much as I hated doing it, it was the best way I knew how to cope at the time. I ate, so I made my family happy, and I got rid of all the food, so that made me happy.

*sigh* How twisted.

After thinking about all of this, I am even more relieved that I won’t have to deal with any of it on Thanksgiving this year. The gigantonormous plates of food mom will send over will not have to be eaten in one take. The food will feed us for a couple lunches and/or dinners, so we won’t have to worry about cooking anything, and that will be a nice bonus. Score! Next year may not be as simple, but that’s next year, and another blog entry when the time comes.

Regardless of how you will be dealing with the issue of food on Thanksgiving, try and enjoy the holiday for other things if you can’t enjoy the food. And try to be safe.

* – Just for the record, I have tried explaining to my family many times that their actions on the holidays drive me crazy. They just don’t get it. Many of the females in my family have some kind of food issue themselves, so they don’t see that what they are doing is wrong.

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For others, Thanksgiving is a dilemma that has nothing to do with eating disorders. Many people cannot afford enough food for any dinner whatsoever, much less a feast, especially in light of the higher food prices and shaky economy we’ve experienced this year.

If you have money, this is not only the easiest way to contribute, but it is more valuable than food. Food banks can take a $10 donation and turn it into $25 worth of food by buying in bulk at discount prices. Your local food bank is probably aching for donations so they can feed the ever-increasing numbers they serve. Or, consider making a donation to Feeding America, a nationwide network that distributes food and funds to local food banks across the country. And don’t forget about pet food banks; their shelves are bare, too. No donation is too small.

If you’d rather clean out your pantry and donate items in your home that you won’t use, be sure to follow these guidelines. Make sure you are donating items your local food bank can use.

Just as important is time spent as a volunteer serving those in need. It all counts toward making someone else’s holiday a time of joy rather than despair.

We can all do something that will make somebody’s Thanksgiving better, no matter how we’ll be handling the day personally. Please think about doing something that will help someone in need.

Tags: eating disorder, food, giving, Holidays, purging, Thanksgiving